Most of the time, I find that people don't outright mean to be assholes. However, the society we grow up in is pretty strictly heteronormative, and views anything outside of heterosexuality as bad and an anomaly when in fact there is nothing wrong with not being straight, and it's perfectly normal, just a little less common. Unfortunately, even some people within the MOGAI community tend to perpetuate biphobia. Here are some ways you can stop it:
Don't assume sexuality based on relationship. If someone is in a relationship, that does not define their sexuality. Bisexuals are often erased when they enter a relationship: If they are in a relationship with a person of a different gender, they are perceived as heterosexual; and if they are in a relationship with a person of the same gender, they are perceived as homosexual. The truth is, they were bisexual when they entered the relationship, and they continue to be bisexual while they are with someone. The only thing a relationship tells you is that they might be attracted to the gender they're dating.
Might?
Yes, might. Due to compulsory heterosexuality, many gay people enter relationships with people of different genders. Some may even marry people of different genders. Their past relationships don't invalidate their identity, and so you really should never assume someone's sexuality just because of who they are dating. What a person says they are is what they are.
Don't use gay when you mean same-sex. You know what I mean. Gay marriage. Gay rights. It's not just gay marriage or gay rights. Bisexuals often face a lot of the same hardships gay people face, and it's often tiring to see people like me left out. Bisexuals are a part of the community, and we fight for our rights as well. Even if you don't want to call it same-sex or you don't want to reclaim the slur 'queer' you can certainly call it lgbt or mogai rights.
Stop with this straight-passing nonsense. "Bisexuals have straight-passing privilege when they are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex". Okay but have you considered that this is what we call "bi erasure"? Many gay people also have "straight-passing privilege," actually: closeted gay people, single gay people, gay people who went out without their partner that day, etc. "Straight-passing" happens because heterosexuality is the norm, but it doesn't mean that those with that "privilege" don't face oppression. It's ridiculous, stop it.
Don't say you wouldn't date a bisexual person. Why not? Why is just dating straight people or gay people your 'preference'? Is it because of stereotypes that we're greedy people who always cheat? Does the possibility of them dating someone of another gender upset you? Those are all biphobic thoughts. Bisexual people are like anyone else in a relationship. And there are unfaithful straight people and gay people, but for some reason I never see anyone say they wouldn't date a straight or gay person because they cheat. I've seen people say that now they have to watch out for men and women instead of just one gender. If you are so paranoid about your partner cheating, that's most likely your problem.
Stop associating us with threesomes or abnormal sexual drive. I am so very tired of this stereotype, mostly because I'm sex-repulsed. One time I had a major crush on my best friend, who unfortunately seems to be straight and also had a boyfriend at the time. However, as I was talking to another friend about them, I mentioned that I liked her boyfriend, because I did and I still do because he's a cool dude and I'm not one for needless jealousy. Somehow, I ended up having to explain that I wasn't trying to get in a threesome with them. Unfortunately our capacity for attraction to more than one gender makes others act like we're just horny for everyone. Listen. A lot of us don't want threesomes. A lot of us aren't more sexually active than your average person. Just because there might be a larger pool of people we might be attracted to doesn't mean we're attracted to all of them, and it certainly doesn't mean we want to have sex with all of them.
Don't put percentages on us. For one thing, that's weird. For another, bisexuality is a self-contained orientation. We are not 'percentage straight and percentage gay'. We are us. Now, a bi person might describe themselves with percentages; I know I've done it. Sometimes we use those to better explain how we might be attracted to people, or the degree to which we might be attracted to certain genders. Let them do their thing, but if a bisexual person doesn't apply percentages to themselves, don't ask and don't apply them yourself.
People are just plain weird when it comes to bisexuality. Like I said, I think most people do these things because they just don't know any better, but that doesn't make it okay. These things, whether done out of intentional malice or innocent ignorance, are still harmful to bisexuals.
No comments:
Post a Comment