And no, it's not the gendered slur. Bisexual. Sure, a lot of people say it in everyday conversations, but I can probably count on my hands the amount of times the term 'bisexual' even comes up in any sort of media. And yes, overall, we are inundated with so much heteronormative crap, but even in books, films, television shows, etc, catered to 'gay and lesbian' audiences have a distinctive lack of an actual bisexual.
If you're bi like me, you can probably relate to seeing a character on screen attracted to men and women, but says vague things like "I don't like defining my sexuality" or "I like what I like" or "labels confine me" as I sit there like, "JUST SAY BISEXUAL".
Such as Piper Chapman, from Orange is the New Black. She experiences attraction to both men and women, and often this is not shown as a big internal struggle for her. However, not once has any character said the word bisexual, save her fiance Larry Bloom, who outright scoffs at the idea of it. Her own words are "What can I say, I like hot people." If this were one incident, that would be fine, but unfortunately her words echo a lot of the 'representation' bisexual people get. Labels are often a way that we define ourselves and often become integral parts of our identity, so to see writers everywhere skirt around the label that we chose for ourselves, well. It's sad.
This bizarre aversion to the b-word prevents a lot of people from seeing it as a valid and respected orientation. While it's true that there are a good portion of people who don't put labels on themselves or don't feel like defining their sexuality beyond "I like what I like", and those are perfectly normal. But when those portrayals far outnumber the portrayals of people comfortably saying "I'm bisexual", it causes other people (read: straight and gay people) to think that this is how all bisexual people think and act.
Furthermore, we might veer off from "avoiding the b-word" to "straight up bi erasure" pretty quickly. Here's an example: Anyone still a Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan? Willow is regarded as one of the most famous lesbians in pop culture history, and for good reason. A little problem: she really should have been written as bisexual. She experiences crushes with both men and women. However, the moment she falls in love with another woman, she is only regarded as a lesbian and that's the end of that.
I've been criticized for talking about this before with a gay man who wanted me to know that sometimes gay people are in relationships with people of the opposite sex and that I shouldn't invalidate anyone's sexuality. That's great. I'm all for letting people identify how they would like, and I understand due to compulsory heterosexuality, a lot of gay people do enter relationships with people not of their same gender. However, as in the Buffyverse, it becomes a problem when there is a strict dichotomy between 'gay' and 'straight' with absolutely no room in between the binary. Later, in Season 8, for people who follow the comic continuation of Buffy, Buffy herself sleeps with another woman, though she denies being anything but straight. Later in the season, Xander states that she'd "rather change her entire orientation before date him", i.e. become gay.
As a bi woman, it hurts to constantly not see my sexuality represented, or for those people who show signs of being bisexual being gay after all, or just straight going through a phase. This erasure hurts in the real world -- the less out and proud bisexual fictional characters there are, the less people are willing to acknowledge it as a real sexuality. Yes, it seems trivial, but you try having a mother who won't accept that you're not straight because she believes bisexuality is a choice while homosexuality isn't, and that nobody who isn't just experimenting says that they are bisexual. It also helps younger bi children be able to identify how they are feeling. I didn't come across the word bisexual until I read a fanfiction, and it stayed in my mind long after the actual fic did. Representation is important, not just for grown women like me, but for the 11 and 12 year-olds who might be confused as I was.
Now of course, another option would be for celebrities to come out with bisexuality -- but they have. Unfortunately media goes around saying they've 'come out as gay' instead. And then of course, bisexual celebrities are not obligated to share with the public what they'd rather not. But more on that in another post.
How to change this? If you are a writer or a creator of media, consider making a character bisexual. (And no, I don't mean turning a gay person bisexual. Please let your works have more than one MOGAI representation.) Outright say that they are bisexual, and treat them as you would any other character. Let little bisexual girls and boys be able to see this character and go "I relate to them." Please, make bisexual characters.
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